


wishes made by the broken

by Antarktica



Series: Run [6]
Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Angst, F/M, Post-Elliot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-05
Updated: 2018-05-05
Packaged: 2019-05-02 11:21:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 904
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14543625
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Antarktica/pseuds/Antarktica
Summary: Elliot Stabler was gone. And she can’t face that truth right now as much as she knows it deep down within her.





	wishes made by the broken

            Broken. Beaten. Beyond anyone’s help. Beyond anyone’s reach. Olivia Benson did not know where to go. Unanswered calls. Unanswered texts. She never gave up but at this point, she’s considering the thought. She’s considering leaving him be, perhaps he just needed time. Her breath hitches. She _hopes_.

            _Look, I don’t wanna stalk you, but... you know, if you wanna talk, I’m here._

            The very first thing she remembered doing when she walked inside the station house again was to talk to Elliot. To tell Elliot how things went. To tell him to help her with the victim. But there was no help. No Elliot Stabler. Not a sign of her partner. Her best friend.

            She even glances at his desk, now an empty one. No brooding detective behind it, balancing a pencil with his lips, looking at her with such intensity she usually ignored but always fails to do so.

            Elliot Stabler was gone. And she can’t face that truth right now as much as she knows it deep down within her.

            The day’s events distract her. Those are the words she convinces herself with to go on, to keep moving. But her soul had already gone somewhere. A part of her is threatening to pull away. She’s at the bar, her friends, coworkers just came by. Their palms rest on her shoulder as a greeting. As an apology of what seemed like the inevitable. _Was their fate already sealed?_

            _Elliot’s probably afraid to talk to you, Liv. Doesn’t want you to try talking him out of it._

            Olivia’s heart stopped a beat. More than a beat to keep her sane. Talk him out of what? Talk him out of the fact that he’s probably—god—probably leaving her? Talk him out of what he’s probably desperately wanted—leaving—considering he wouldn’t even answer a call or respond to a text from her?

            If-and only if—this is what Elliot wants, to leave, then she’ll let him. But he should talk to her. She needed him to _talk_ to her. Not just _leave_. She won’t try to change his mind. Whatever’s best for Elliot. Whatever’s best for _her partner_.

            Olivia leaves him a text message every time she has time to get on her phone.

            _El… I’m always here, don’t forget it._

Her fingers hover over her screen, contemplating, calculating, gauging where she was in the unspoken line.     

            _For better or worse, El. For better or worse._

            That was her last resort. She clutches her phone in her hand for a moment before putting it back to her pockets. It was time for court. Time for work. The voices in the court were muted to her ears. Muted to the pain she’s experiencing. Her mask is tougher now, they got new recruits, rookies, that did not need to foresee through this drama. Fin and Munch looking at her with _that_ look was more than Olivia could handle.

            Then came the storm. The moment Cragen called her into his office, she knew it wasn’t about the case. But she directed it there anyway. Afraid of the words she’s about to hear. Afraid the words will make her run away so far, she’ll forget who she is. Afraid her life will be divided into Before-Elliot Stabler and After-Elliot Stabler.

            But even that is right—righter than the fact Elliot hasn’t responded to her goddamn texts. Or the fact that he’s not answering any of her calls. Not even returning her voice mails.

_Elliot put his papers in._

            Her world stops. Cragen stares her dead in the eye, he was serious. God, he was serious. Elliot put his _papers in_. He had _left_ her. That was all she heard beneath those words. Her partner, damn, she can’t cry right now, her best friend left her. Suddenly, it was like she was back in the basement again, only she felt like giving in.

            Cragen’s question pulls her out of the basement. _Do you wanna talk?_ She shook her head no. Not with him. She wanted to talk to Elliot. She _wanted_ Elliot. And, she was fine. She was fine. Her voice shook as she says those words, smiling impishly, tears building up on her eyes. God, not now. Not now. Her nails will probably make marks on her palm as she was clutching it too tightly now. A distraction. She needed so much, so much.

_You okay?_

            The question almost drowns out in the background. Apparently, she walked outside of Cragen’s office. And that voice belonged to Fin. _Run. Run._ She needs to go away—go somewhere—not mull in front of her desk, not see a ghost looking at her with that calculating look, not when they have a rookie who clearly admired her.

Olivia Benson was strong. But not strong enough to withstand the intensity of her partner resigning from the job. Not strong enough to comprehend the fact that her best friend had left her. She tells them it’s fine, they’ll roll in 5 minutes. Just give her time.

            The interrogation room provided enough privacy. She couldn’t even go open the door and walk through it without having broken down already. He’d mended her, but now he broke her just as much, perhaps worse. Olivia only flutters her eyes close, between the strained way her breath hitches and her cries sound louder than the other, not in acceptance but in surrender.

            _For better or worse._


End file.
